not everything that is faced can be changed.

Change is my least favourite thing. Even positive change can be difficult for me to navigate a lot of the time. I like structure, routine, and familiarity. Unfortunately, nothing feels familiar these days. The majority of the year has been difficult due to serious health issues with both family members and friends. There have been periods of time when life almost seems normal again, but then something happens, and it all comes tumbling down. In my last blog post, I wrote about not quite feeling like myself despite not having a concrete reason. Perhaps my subconscious could sense something on the horizon, because there is now a reason. My family member is in the hospital once again and there are all sorts of unknowns. There is change ahead...and there is nothing that I can do to stop it from coming. I keep wishing it away, but it creeps closer and closer despite my efforts. 

Truth be told, this blog post is one that I have written, erased, and re-written a handful of times. I thought perhaps it might be better to post something positive instead. Something completely unrelated to all of this uncertainty. Some sort of post where I could hide. But in the end, it seemed necessary to talk a little bit about how I feel. To acknowledge the fear and the pain. Selfishly, I think I didn't want to sit alone with it all. So much of what used to be "normal" to me is being lost bit by bit. Even now, it is hard for me to acknowledge that the life I knew before is ending and a new unwritten chapter awaits.

Music has always been a place for me to hide, reflect, and find comfort. The song that has been on repeat all day today is one that was in heavy rotation back in my younger years: Everybody's Changing by Keane. The lyrics certainly speak to my life lately. "So little time. Try to understand that I'm trying to make a move just to stay in the game. I try to stay awake and remember my name. But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same." Everything is changing. Everyone is changing. I suppose that is something that I will have to come to terms with in time. My apologies for this self-indulgent post. It certainly isn't beauty related, but I am grateful to have a little place on the internet where I can work through some of these complicated emotions. 

If you can, please share some happy updates, good news, or song recommendations in the comment section below. I am looking for positive things to hold onto in the next little while. Also, the next blog post will be more upbeat. Promise.