why i stopped being 'nice'

I used to describe myself as nice. I try so hard to be nice. It's important that I be nice. I don't do that anymore, largely because I am not interested in being nice. To be 'nice' in our society means not speaking out, not ruffling feathers, not pushing back on the status quo. It means cramming yourself into a box to make others comfortable. It means losing part of who you are. 

Countless times in my life, I have been nice to people. People who insulted me, people who made offensive comments, people who were cruel, people who went out of their way to make the world a terrible place. Why was I nice to them? Social conditioning, of course, but also because loved ones would ask me to 'be nice' or pre-emptively request that I not react to someone they knew would say something rude. Somewhere along the line, I started to wonder why I agreed to any of this. Why I bit my tongue. Why I was nice for so long to people who were anything but kind, thoughtful, or considerate. 

I have changed a lot in the last several years. My child-like innocence, wonder, and hope vanished after watching an endless parade of selfishness, stupidity, and abuse occur on the world stage. The person I used to be seems to disappear bit by bit, but I realize that while I am losing, I am also gaining. I know so much more than I did before. I am also so much better than I was before. Though part of me misses believing that good wins over evil and that all human beings are capable of decency, another part of me is grateful to know the truth so I can try to make positive changes. One such positive change: not being nice anymore. That isn't to say that I am out and about in the world behaving terribly, but it does means that I match the energy I am given. It means that when someone says something that does not align with my core values, I respond, because my feelings are valid, too. It means worrying less about making other people comfortable and worrying more about doing the right thing. 

Today, I challenge you to stop being nice to people who abuse your kindness. Stop being nice to people who harm others. And stop being nice in the face of cruelty. Not everyone is owed nice. Remember: you can be a light in this world without shoving yourself into a box you were never meant to fit into. So, learn, grow, and do what is right, even if you aren't nice about it.